why I am who I am

For anyone who has ever struggled with finding value in yourself, struggled with depression , and has had an addictive behavior... there is hope.  I have overcome the ill effects of trying every earthly possible solution and coping method to deal with issues that could have  had the potential to ruin my life, and yet it wasn't until I renewed my mind with the word of God and developed a personal relationship with Christ that I was able to be set free from depression. You see for years I wanted a pill to solve my problems and make me feel numb to the amount of pain I had in my heart some of which  I didn't even know how to deal with, and some of which I didn't even know was hidden within.  I had years of abuse that my psychologist  labeled as a tormented childhood, but I wasn't satisfied in using my label as an excuse, I longed for freedom not a cover-up in the form of a pill that would make me numb or a label that would give me an excuse for behavior I knew was destructive. It was not until I started attending Beth Moore's bible study Breaking Free that I found the answer in the form of a personal savior, Jesus Christ.  What is a personal relationship, you may wonder, it is simply seeing your sins and knowing you need someone to save you from them, not making excuses for them, knowing in your heart of heart you were created for more than this.  And then realize that Jesus loved you so much he gave his life for you and asking him to remove the shame from your life so you can live a life that you were made to live.  It is replacing the lies Satan tells you about yourself... you are worthless, no one will ever love you, even if they do they will use you and leave you... or whatever recordings you have playing in your mind and then replacing them with the truth found in the bible. Jesus said... then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free, He said I am the way the truth and the life no one comes to the Father except through me. He doesn't force religion on you, he gives everyone free will... but for me I had seen the results of my free will, it lead me to pit of destruction, had God not intervened I would not be here today. The walk of a true Christian is not one who pretends to be without sin, but it is a life of a person who is not ashamed to share the depth of their sins with others, in order to show them where they found the help they needed to live a life that has been changed by no one other than Jesus. May I never get so far away from my sins that I forget how much the weight of their bondage held me in position that I no longer could go on living the way I was... without Jesus I would not be here today. May I never get to a point in my life that I forget that feeling and look down on others who are stuck in the deep pit of sin living a life of hopelessness, may I always have the courage to point them in the direction of Christ from whom set me free from a pit of depression and gave me a reason to live. This is why I have such a passion to share a living hope with others, I am unashamed to wear the title of Jesus Freak if you had someone save you, you too would be over the top in love with them as well. I am a Christian not a religious fanatic one that is driven by a relationship that lead to freedom not a list of rules.