The struggle for freedom

I have been stuck in a rut.  I feel trapped or in an endless maze where I keep running into the same dead ends.  The things I struggle with seem never ending and repetitive.  I keep making the same bad choices and then I wonder why I don't get different results.  How I wish I didn't have a self- destructive behavior disorder. (You know the type... we know when we are doing something, it is dumb, yet we feel compelled to do it anyways... that's me) I long for true freedom. I know I am forgiven, dearly loved, and a valued child of God.  However the weight of my sins, at times, hangs heavy around my neck.  I set the chains down long enough to feel what freedom might feel like. Then before I know it I am wrapping those chains tighter than before, around me like a security blanket. Jesus, take these burdens you've freed me from, allow me to see I was never meant to carry these burdens... it is not you that taunts me with my past, present, or future struggles...but rather the enemy disguised in a cloak of righteousness, making me feel dirty and ashamed.  When I turned to you for forgiveness, you wiped the slate clean, cleansed me, and made me whiter than snow.  You brushed the ashes of shame and guilt from my head, and put in their place a crown of beauty and splendor.  You call me child of the one true king, and removed the guilty verdict so I may lift my head in confidence that I am one of yours.  Though I may slip and stumble, you never leave my side, your hand is forever outstretched before me, ready to grasp me and pull me back to safety.  Let me never forget the power of your freeing love and mercy, of which I can not earn, but only can receive.  Amen