The roads we travel tell a story

The roads in which we travel, tell a lot of why people act the way we do.  The direction we choose to walk, the places we choose to linger, the people who pass through our lives all make up the stories of our lives. Each has a purpose, and serve as a reminder of where we’ve been and who we are today. Our pasts even they we may not see some of the beauty in the choices that we’ve made, have the potential to be used by God as a mighty lesson for the future and have the power to be used for good no matter how bad it may seem at the time.  My story is just a snapshot in the passage of time. Not so long ago my husband and I want another child. We loved Jesse so much and seen how fast time with him was passing us by as he grew way too quickly.  I had 4 sisters that meant the world to me so I always wanted him to have a sibling.  We were young and thought we could plan our lives the way we wanted. My thoughts were I will have another baby in 1 ½ years (since this is the space between me and my next sister).  Jesse was a complete surprise to us so I thought nothing of getting pregnant again, however for 7 years nothing happened. It was a little family joke that I should buy stock in the pregnancy test company because of how often I thought maybe this month, only to be brokenhearted that once again my womb was barren. I was crushed by this, as if I had some control over the matter or could do something about it.  How many times I cried when I’d tell Ray, no not this month. How hard it was to hear our son pray to God for another baby.  I’d cry out to God in anger and frustration… “God I don’t understand, why do you give children to all these people that don’t appreciate them, we love you Lord, we love Jesse and raise him to love you, I just don’t understand.” You see when you are young you think life is in your control, you make the plans, you call the shots… but God was teaching me a valuable lesson, he was in control and can use all things to work for His good and glory. About the time I surrendered to the fact that Jesse would be an only child, God did something amazing in my heart.  Through my own pain, I seen a great need, there were many children in our area that needed to be shown love and acceptance, and shown that God loves them. Ray and I started an after school kids club at our church on Fridays.  We found that by showing them the love of Jesus we could be parent like figures to hurting kids. I will never forget one such girl who touched my heart so deeply.  I do not know all the details but I know she had a rough time, and even though she had a hard life her heart was so full of love.   She had a smile that could light up a room, and spirit full of giving and sacrifice.  Even though she was not my child, I loved her deeply.  Many times she’d stay with us over the course of the next couple of years. She got along so well in our family and was a great play mate for Jesse. God used her in our lives to see a great need in others, and since we could not have another child we decided to foster children and adopt… that was the plan anyways, but yet again things changed.  After 7 years of trying I found out I was pregnant. How excited we were, a baby girl… beautiful and perfect. How our hearts sang, we named her Sadie Grace… grace meaning gift from God. She was precious… 3 month went by and we found out she had cystic fibrosis (what the medical world likes to label as a disease with a shortened life expectancy) oh how little do they know, many in the medical world have not had the pleasure of meeting my God!  You see in medical terms CF is a genetic mutation (a mishap so to speak) but my God makes no mistake when he formed Sadie in my womb he did it just the way he had planned, perfectly not flawed.  My God knows the plans he has for each of his children, there are no premature deaths or shortened lives, he has a detailed plan that try as we may we cannot alter or change. No label will ever have the pleasure of taking our lives one day, one hour, one minute, one second before God has determined it to be so. Matthew Ch. 6: 27 says who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your days?  I love the passage in John 9:1-3 it says… As Jesus passed by, He saw a man blind from birth.  And His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?”  Jesus answered, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him. 

God was teaching and preparing my heart in those 7 years, to show me that His ways are not my ways nor his plans my plans.  He was showing me, he was in control of it all. Time passed by and that sweet little girl friend requested me on facebook, she told me of her father’s passing and she was now in foster care.  I had just read a wonderful book on the story of adoption by Mary Beth Chapman called Choosing to See, and Ray and I decided to try and adopt her. We had the mindset that if it was God’s will it would go through but if not than at least she would know that somebody wanted her and loved her.  The lawyer told us that she was not able to be adopted, yet another plan that did not turn out the way we hoped.  I would love to share a wonderful story someone told me about her when we in the process of trying to adopt her, that paints a beautiful picture of what the love of God is like. One of my partners at my store had her for a student and she said for Christmas that year wrapped underneath their classroom tree was her baby doll and to this year she still brings the baby out at Christmas and puts it under her tree.  This loving little girl, who had a heart for God, gave something that meant a lot to her… just as God gave His son for us so that we may live. She touched our lives and hearts and we were so blessed to have known and loved her for that season in our lives.  She has turned into a beautiful young woman, who I cannot believe is graduating this year, and even though we may not be as close as we were all those years ago I pray for God’s blessings in her life and that she may always know how much we still love and care for her. I know God will use all her hurts and heal them and glorify his name to help heal others who have had a hard life. She will have the ability to reach many hurting people and she shares her story. God gives us a story to share, don’t be afraid to share yours and reach out to others, you never know who may need to hear your story to help them get through their own.

Can broken marriages be restored??

So many marriages and relationships are falling apart it breaks my heart to see families split up. These words are from a casting crowns song and as I was listening to it I thought I should share them, we live in a world surrounded by temptations and lies... people who work endless hours to give their families a "better" life, and families torn apart by concealed addictions like pornography. Husbands (boyfriends) honor your wives/ girlfriends, pornography is NOT some harmless; behind closed doors activity... it destroys homes and tears families apart, it is a doorway that leaves you feeling unsatisfied and looking for something else beyond what you have been blessed with. It is disrespectful and shameful...imagine if that was your daughter posing for your friends. It is NOT okay, we have to guard our relationships or they fall apart. And girls don't support bad behavior saying it's ok, it's normal... teach your sons better, watch the kinds of movies that are wholesome, because it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow!
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A corner office was his dream
More like a prison now it seems
Somewhere on the corporate climb
He left his warrior behind
Now hes just a worker at a daily grind
Steals his years and numbs his mind
His strength is fading, his dreams are blind
This is not the life he had in mind

She lies awake cause hes up all night
Staring at a screen that tells him lies
That the grass is greener on the other side
So shes at the gym fighting off the years
To be young again and calm her fears
That shell never be enough for him
Just as a young man catches her eye

Now they're trapped in their own worlds, in their own wars
With their cell phones and the closed doors
Its funny how quiet and peaceful that it seems
But they're all alone together
In the house of their dreams...

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One reason I love the movie Fireproof so much is because they attack the issue of pornography and its effect on a relationship... they show how addicting it is, how easily you can hide it, and how destructive it is! I think too many people have a mindset that says, "It's no big deal, it's not real, they are just images on a screen, not an actual person you will ever meet"... but battles are fought... and lost in the mind, never under estimate the power our mind has... our thoughts become actions and we need to protect our minds from all things destructive. For men the struggle mainly lies in what they see, for women we are more emotional and so our struggles come in the form of what we hear. It's easy to be lead astray by sweet words such as, I know just how you feel, my wife doesn't appreciate me either. Beware in times of marital distress who you turn to for comfort... men should not be seeking help from other women, and women should not be looking for comfort from another man, it's a set-up for trouble.  A little while ago I had a guy tell me about his marriage troubles, every time he'd finish (for WEEKS), I'd say the same thing...you need to go home and tell your wife these things because talking about them to other people isn't going to change your situation at home. She needs to know what is going on other wise things will never change. After WEEKS of telling him this he stopped coming into my store. Why?? hopefully because things at home changed for the better (I don't know) BUT also because I refused to play the poor you card, you seem like a nice guy why doesn't she appreciate you, type of responses he was looking for. Instead I spoke the truth to him, telling other people your problems doesn't change what's happening at home. You need to communicate your needs, wants, desires... to YOUR SPOUSE, they are not mind readers, communication is key to a good relationship.

 

Broken marriages affect more than just the adults involved... it tears kids up, no matter how old they are, and leaves them feeling like some how it was their fault. I was 25 when my parents divorced, even as an adult I remember how painful it was, watching my sisters spend weekends between two homes, my Dad being alone 85% of the time, coming home to emptiness. The first holidays that we spent divided were very painful, like choosing sides between parents... inviting my Dad over to spend the night Christmas Eve so he wouldn't wake up alone Christmas morning. The pain of even coming across old pictures of the two of them together, happy... watching 26 years of love go down the drain... I remember towards the end of their marriage when the fights became more frequent and I wished they'd divorce because I thought it would make things better, oh how wrong I was. I had no idea how much pain it would cause, hearing them talk about each other as if love never even existed, words are often more painful than actions. Seeing selfishness and greed ravish through a home that was once filled with love and laughter. Explaining to a little child that they really didn't mean the hurtful things they said. We are blessed now, after the initial pain wore off my parents have a very unique divorce... we do holidays and family dinners together weekly, neither one has dated in the past 8 years since the divorce. Even though things for us have a new kind of normal... I came across an old card the other day... love mom and Dad it said, I felt sad and longed for that time in my life again.
******* House of Their Dreams Casting Crowns*******
Little sister, she's a sixteen-year-old princess
Lost somewhere between the swing set
And her brand new crush's chariot awaits
And big brother's rooms glowing with trophies that shout his name
But he'd trade all his high school fame
For some backyard catch with his hero again
But they're trapped in their own worlds, in their own wars
With their cell phones and the closed doors
It's funny how quiet and peaceful that it seems
But they're all alone together
In the house of their dreams
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So what went wrong with my parents marriage?
They left an important part out, they failed to build their house on the rock of Christ....   even though they both knew God he wasn't the center of their marriage.
******************** the turning point in the song and hope for restoration*****
So now they're all dressed up in Sunday best
Sit up straight just like the rest
And they sing the songs of peace and rest that Jesus freely gives
And then their kids look up as daddy stands
And he takes his bride with trembling hands
Brother kneels at his father's side as princess looks in the mother's eyes
Their tears tear down the walls as daddy prays
We're trapped in our own worlds and our own wars
With our cell phones and our closed doors
God, only You can save our family
And on this Rock, we'll build
On this Rock, we'll build
The house of our dreams
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Do I believe in restored marriages? Yes, but you have to remain rooted in Christ, and keep your armor on... lots of Christian marriages fall apart sadly everyday, being a Christian doesn't make you exempt from temptations, in fact sometimes we are attacked even stronger, cause Satan loves brokenness. He loves to see love turn to hate, and roots of bitterness to wrap around Christian's and choke the love out of their lives for other people they once held dear. Also a failed misconception about Christians.... we are not perfect, we make mistakes, we have just as much power to hurt the ones we love, we are still sinners trying our hardest to let God improve our lives a little day by day, while being patient in the process. We may even back slide into old destructive patterns, the difference though, God's mercy and his forgiveness in our lives makes it possible to forgive the impossible, and restore what otherwise would be tossed away as broken. He fuses love and broken people back together with a renewed strength that is almost indestructible. What God has joined together let no man (or woman) separate. That glue makes all the difference.