The roads in which we travel, tell a lot of why people act
the way we do. The direction we choose
to walk, the places we choose to linger, the people who pass through our lives
all make up the stories of our lives. Each has a purpose, and serve as a reminder
of where we’ve been and who we are today. Our pasts even they we may not see
some of the beauty in the choices that we’ve made, have the potential to be used
by God as a mighty lesson for the future and have the power to be used for good
no matter how bad it may seem at the time.
My story is just a snapshot in the passage of time. Not so long ago my
husband and I want another child. We loved Jesse so much and seen how fast time
with him was passing us by as he grew way too quickly. I had 4 sisters that meant the world to me so
I always wanted him to have a sibling. We
were young and thought we could plan our lives the way we wanted. My thoughts
were I will have another baby in 1 ½ years (since this is the space between me
and my next sister). Jesse was a
complete surprise to us so I thought nothing of getting pregnant again, however
for 7 years nothing happened. It was a little family joke that I should buy
stock in the pregnancy test company because of how often I thought maybe this
month, only to be brokenhearted that once again my womb was barren. I was
crushed by this, as if I had some control over the matter or could do something
about it. How many times I cried when I’d
tell Ray, no not this month. How hard it was to hear our son pray to God for
another baby. I’d cry out to God in
anger and frustration… “God I don’t understand, why do you give children to all
these people that don’t appreciate them, we love you Lord, we love Jesse and
raise him to love you, I just don’t understand.” You see when you are young you
think life is in your control, you make the plans, you call the shots… but God
was teaching me a valuable lesson, he was in control and can use all things to
work for His good and glory. About the time I surrendered to the fact that
Jesse would be an only child, God did something amazing in my heart. Through my own pain, I seen a great need,
there were many children in our area that needed to be shown love and
acceptance, and shown that God loves them. Ray and I started an after school
kids club at our church on Fridays. We
found that by showing them the love of Jesus we could be parent like figures to
hurting kids. I will never forget one such girl who touched my heart so
deeply. I do not know all the details
but I know she had a rough time, and even though she had a hard life her heart
was so full of love. She had a smile
that could light up a room, and spirit full of giving and sacrifice. Even though she was not my child, I loved her
deeply. Many times she’d stay with us
over the course of the next couple of years. She got along so well in our
family and was a great play mate for Jesse. God used her in our lives to see a
great need in others, and since we could not have another child we decided to
foster children and adopt… that was the plan anyways, but yet again things
changed. After 7 years of trying I found
out I was pregnant. How excited we were, a baby girl… beautiful and perfect.
How our hearts sang, we named her Sadie Grace… grace meaning gift from God. She
was precious… 3 month went by and we found out she had cystic fibrosis (what
the medical world likes to label as a disease with a shortened life expectancy)
oh how little do they know, many in the medical world have not had the pleasure
of meeting my God! You see in medical
terms CF is a genetic mutation (a mishap so to speak) but my God makes no
mistake when he formed Sadie in my womb he did it just the way he had planned,
perfectly not flawed. My God knows the
plans he has for each of his children, there are no premature deaths or
shortened lives, he has a detailed plan that try as we may we cannot alter or
change. No label will ever have the pleasure of taking our lives one day, one hour,
one minute, one second before God has determined it to be so. Matthew Ch. 6: 27
says who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your days? I love the passage in John 9:1-3 it says… As Jesus passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him,
“Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?”
Jesus answered, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents;
but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.
God was teaching and preparing my heart in
those 7 years, to show me that His ways are not my ways nor his plans my
plans. He was showing me, he was in control
of it all. Time passed by and that sweet little girl friend requested me on
facebook, she told me of her father’s passing and she was now in foster
care. I had just read a wonderful book on
the story of adoption by Mary Beth Chapman called Choosing to See, and Ray and
I decided to try and adopt her. We had the mindset that if it was God’s will it
would go through but if not than at least she would know that somebody wanted
her and loved her. The lawyer told us
that she was not able to be adopted, yet another plan that did not turn out the
way we hoped. I would love to share a wonderful
story someone told me about her when we in the process of trying to adopt her, that paints a beautiful picture of what the love of God is like.
One of my partners at my store had her for a student and she said for Christmas
that year wrapped underneath their classroom tree was her baby doll and to this
year she still brings the baby out at Christmas and puts it under her tree. This loving little girl, who had a heart for
God, gave something that meant a lot to her… just as God gave His son for us so
that we may live. She touched our lives and hearts and we were so blessed to have
known and loved her for that season in our lives. She has turned into a beautiful young woman,
who I cannot believe is graduating this year, and even though we may not be as
close as we were all those years ago I pray for God’s blessings in her life and
that she may always know how much we still love and care for her. I know God
will use all her hurts and heal them and glorify his name to help heal others
who have had a hard life. She will have the ability to reach many hurting
people and she shares her story. God gives us a story to share, don’t be afraid
to share yours and reach out to others, you never know who may need to hear
your story to help them get through their own.
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