An Unfailing Relatioship

Have you ever had a relationship whether it be with a friend or family member, where you felt like you made all the effort to keep it going? I have. It's exhausting, to feel as though you are trying to keep the relationship alive, while the other part does virtually nothing, or with minimal effort to show you they even care. The key to a successful relationship is it takes two parties willing to put forth effort to have a relationship stand the test of time. Relationships take a lot of work and effort, they can't be one sided or the person trying eventually wears out. Not because they don't care, but rather because humans eventually get depleted and exhausted. I am thankful I have one relationship that will never be depleted or tire from trying to reach deep within me, no matter how far I stray God is always there for me. He's always a prayer away, he's always waiting patiently for my return. He's always rejoicing at the sound of repentance from a heart that's turned back to him. Wherever you are, no matter how far you may have strayed... Know this, God loves you deeper than any man or woman ever could. He's the only one that has the ability to redeem and restore.  To bring beauty from the ashes.

A Glimpse of Heaven

Did you ever met someone in life that was just incredibly easy to love? Someone who not  necessarily does things perfectly but just really knows how to live life well under life's difficult circumstances. They serve without complaining and smile without judging. They have hearts that would give you the shoes off their feet. They have hearts of compassion that shatter and pierce hearts of stone. They have the determination to see the good in every circumstance life throws at them and a zeal for the Lord that cannot be shaken. They refuse to allow the enemy to have one ounce of their joy. They just know how to live life well. I call these type of people angels on earth. While I know they are not truly angels in the physical sense... being around them, however, gives me the slightest taste of what heaven must be like.  Every once in awhile God places such a gift from heaven in my life, to give me the slightest glimpse of what Jesus was like. They leave a taste of heaven in my mouth and make me long to be that type of encourager to someone else. You may feel that you don't reflect Jesus very well but take heart my sisters and brothers in Christ...God is not finished with you yet. For God looks at your heart and because when you surrender your life to Jesus, Jesus covered your sins so God sees the reflection of his son in your heart... and little by little he is making you reflect the image of Jesus so that when others look at you they can get a glimpse of Jesus too.

What are you afraid of?

Last week at the Just Joy bible study I’ve been attending called, The Time Is Now, Carol was teaching from the book of Mark about miracles that Jesus had performed. One of the amazing insights she had shared with us that night, and some words of wisdom that really hit home was this: She said Never Allow the Presence of a Storm to cause you to Doubt the Presence of YOUR GOD!  Only God knows how big of a storm I’ve been in, and a few close friends who have walked with me through this INTENSE battle.

            Next, Carol had each of us write down on a piece of paper a miracle you needed from God, and I wanted to share with you what mine was, in hope that my transparency will help others find freedom, that only CHRIST himself can give to us. When Carol asked us to write down a miracle, I immediately thought of my Sadie girl, who has cystic fibrosis. Any parent that has a child with a chronic illness would probably not hesitate at the thought of a miracle for their child, but this was not what God spoke to my heart that I needed. He said ever so softly to my heart, “You need to be set free from FEAR.” I thought, but God we’ve already dealt with that issue, remember (like God had forgotten), I wrote a blog a few weeks ago about being SET FREE from FEAR?  And God said, “Yes, you have tasted freedom, but now I want you to see why you needed freedom, so that you don’t fall into that pit again!”  God has been showing me that I have been in a Stronghold of fear for quite some time. In fact my earliest memory was fear and insecurity. Each time I think I have this stronghold under my belt, God pulls back another layer in my heart, that I had fear tucked away in.  The one FEAR that has held me most captive, ALMOST to the point of being completely paralyzed, is the fear of one of my children dying, this fear was present long before I had a child with a chronic illness. There is nothing, besides my relationship with Jesus Christ and my husband that I value more in my life more than my children, and Satan knows the one way he can attack me, is through the FEAR of something bad happening to one of my children.  You can be in a pit and not even realize it, until you are so stuck and you can’t move anymore, and that is what fear had done in my life. I didn’t even realize how deeply affected my life was by fear until I started having panic attacks a couple of years ago. I didn’t even know what a panic attack was until I went to the ER one night because I had woke up having one! When they ran tests and nothing showed up and said to me it sounds like you were having a panic attack, I thought how absurd… I didn’t go to bed upset or worried, I didn’t wake up from a nightmare, and yet there I was having one.  I started to look at my life and asked God to reveal the root cause, and to heal this brokenness within me.

Carol said during bible study: When you are in a storm, to remember your last miracle, and praise God for when you had last tasted and seen that the Lord is good. To allow the last miracle to taste sweeter than your present storm. For 7 years now, I had been trying to play God, to be in control, and to be a good protector over Sadie’s health as well as my other children.  A scripture that God had really used to minister to me when we first had Sadie was in Matthew Chapter 6 verse 27 that says: For who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Another verse God had used to prepare our hearts  even before Sadie was diagnosed with CF, at 3 months old,  was Psalm 139:16 that says: Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.  Psalm 139: 13-14 says: For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. These verses reminded me God is in control of all of our days and no disease or evil thing Satan throws our way can thwart the plans God has for HIS CHILDREN! He knows the beginning and the end of our lives and all the days in between before one even came to pass. Another truth I can trust in, is God does not make mistakes, science looks at Sadie and sees a gene mutation BUT God look at her and says I have good plans for her, she is just the way I created her to be and will fulfill all that I have planned for her.  I remember when Sadie was diagnosed with CF, Ray and I were surrounded by a TEAM of doctors and nurses waiting for us to fall apart and yet we had COMPLETE PEACE and proclaimed what God had prepared our hearts for, that no disease could steal from the plans God already had for her life, for we knew HE was the author of her life.  Sadie was a miracle from God given to us as an answer to our prayers, we chose the name Sadie Grace, which means: princess gift from God, even before she was born, even before we knew she was a girl! After trying for 7 years to get pregnant, God heard our cries and blessed us with this precious bundle from heaven.  He heard our cries and taught this strong willed mama a lesson that I desperately needed to know, HE was in control of ALL things but most importantly, HE was in control of the giving and taking of life.  I needed to learn this before I had Sadie, that God was in control of the days of her life, not me, or Ray, or the doctors… only God.

So how did fear creep in? Ever so silently, through small seeds of doubt, and through the lies of our enemy.  Remember Satan is a deceiver and a father of lies. He started by attacking my calling, to serve God through ministry and outreaches, I pulled back from children’s ministry when Sadie was an infant, to help protect her from germs she might be exposed to, because people often send children who have colds to church not giving it a second thought.  About 3 years later at a CF education night, we learned that CF patients were not supposed to be within 6 feet of each other because CF patients can carry bacteria that is only transferable between other CF patients and once you get it, it will deteriorate lung function. Fear set in, because one of the only places Sadie would be in contact with another patient was at the clinic, where they require us to take her every 3 months for a check-up, even though she has been healthier than our other children.  I often explain my fear to people like this: It’s like taking your unvaccinated child, who is healthy into a scarlet fever clinic, just to check and make sure they are still healthy, and knowing they will be in contact and potentially exposing them to contracting scarlet fever.  The doctors are not sure how the bacteria spreads so the best recommendation is for CF patients not to interact at all.  How lonely of a disease that is, it reminds me of the woman who bleed for 12 years and was a social outcast.  Most people that have an illness have the comfort of joining with others to share their stories… cancer patients, multiple sclerosis, families with loved ones suffering with Alzheimer’s, and many others have support groups for people to relate to and with, to encourage one another, but to live a life of isolation separated from others who share in your same infirmity is a hard thing to wrap your mind around or prepare someone for.  The other thing I had a hard  time with these last 7 years is protecting Sadie’s mind from things spoken over her at the doctor’s. Things like she’s not where she needs to be on the growth chart, you will see kids do better in the long run if they are here on the chart, kids are living well into their 20’s and 30’s now, has she been coughing because this type of bacteria often produces a cough and on and on it goes. I finally told them to stop talking about such things in front of her because she’s not a statistic on their charts and I don’t want her to ever feel like she’s not measuring up, to let Sadie be Sadie and not be defined by statistics.  This fearful mindsets took my mind off God, who is Lord over everything, and protector over His children. (Eph. 4:6 and Ps. 91:2) 

Carol said during bible study: Never allow the presence of a storm to allow you to doubt the PRESENCE of YOUR GOD! My fears distracted me from the truths God had written on my heart about who he is and put me into a position that ONLY God could fulfill in the lives of my children, only HE can be their protector and savior.  Only Jesus can keep my children safe and work all things together for their good.  I needed to proclaim the truth again, that we sing every week at Just Joy… He’s a good, good Father, and I’m loved by him.  I needed to cry out, “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.” God can take all of my weaknesses, all of my burdens, all of my fears and use them to set others free.  Yes, I would love Sadie to be miraculously healed, and I believe God is fully able to do so, but I also know that no disease can thwart the plans God has for her! The underlying issue in my life is not Sadie’s diagnosis but it is fear, if I allow God to free my mind with his truth, then he can truly heal me and set me free.  I have to understand that “my’ children are not really mine, He’s only letting me borrow them and by sheltering them during the cold and flu season or at any other time in their lives, I am putting a higher emphasis on their physical bodies instead of their spiritual well-being, and what will last longer?  All of our bodies are going to give out eventually, and I don’t want my kids to live their lives in fear, I want them to live boldly for Christ, and to accomplish all that he has instore for their lives.  I need to do what Carol instructed us and pray out loud and to declare the word of God, because prayer builds up our faith!

Thank-you Jesus, for allowing me to walk through this valley of fear, so that I could identify it and break the generational curse for future generations to come, for you show your love for a thousand generations of those who love you and keep your commandments. (Deut. 5:9-10) Help our family not to be afraid,  but to serve you courageously and boldly, for you are with us wherever we go. (Joshua 1:9) I pray Lord that I am completely set free from the bondage of fear, and teach me to be bold, so that I can teach my children to be warriors for you. I am declaring that, “I’m no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God.” I pray that others who wrestle with fear will find true freedom that Christ freely offers to us. Amen