What defines true beauty?

Am I beautiful no matter what my size is?
That’s a question I’ve wrestled with ever since I had my first child. Thinking when I left the hospital, weighing 155, I was a monster of a size and felt like an obese person! That is a lie I seriously felt and believed, now seeing how ridiculous it sounds and now would give anything to return to that size. I never truly appreciated my size at 110, still wearing a baggy tee shirt over my bath suit for fear someone may see my true form. Now cringing when I hear someone carelessly telling me he’s a big guy around 200 lbs... knowing I’m on the upward side of 235. Wondering what words they use to describe me when I’m not in their presence? At the same time reminding myself that I truly feel bad for people when they see only size and not the true content of a person’s soul to define true worth or beauty. All the while still longing for something I never truly appreciated even when I had it. As if happiness can be found in a magical size most women wish they could be. If that is how I define beautiful then I’m in real trouble and so are the little lives I’m in charge of shaping. So many of us fall prey to our own insecurities and buy lies as truth. The world tricks us into thinking beauty is found in the youthful taut skin; causing many to seek forms to tighten or shrink problem areas. Or even more heartbreaking are the filter apps being used to cover what we may see as imperfections... causing many people to live behind a facade; thinking that the fake versions are prettier than the real version, wrinkles and all. Many fear looking at the scale let alone writing it down where others potentially may read and mock you. I find comfort in knowing the number doesn’t define my worth or my value, it is an indicator of my health and that is the reason I wrestle so much with its current predicament. I know that the number 236 doesn’t make my family or closest friends love me any less so why should that allow myself to hate the person staring back at me in the mirror? I know I have my critics and I’m sure some former classmates remember the skinny, anorexic girl from high school. Literally starving myself to play a part. Secretly hoping if I reached a desired size I would find love and acceptance I desperately desired. When seeing someone from my past I often want to beat their wondering minds to the chase and say “Hi I got off drugs and switched to food!” I wonder what the response would be? I do desperately want to get healthy again, but somewhere down the line I bought a lie that food was a source of comfort and would help me release some of my anxiety. Now I can have anxiety about being in line for a heart attack or stroke... sorry sarcasm runs rich in my family. Seriously though things like 43% body fat does scare me, so does the thought of  saying hey guys I’m going to try this healthy eating lifestyle again, because I fear failure as well. I literally need to look for a health plan designed for failures. After almost every attempt made to get healthy, they’re have been some successes, but nothing has been sustainable for me. I repeatedly cry out for God to remove this, does it mean God doesn’t answer prayer or I’ve done something, other than eat, to deserve this? Absolutely not. I believe God’s timing is perfect and there is something he wants to teach me in the struggle. So my hope in sharing my story is this... be kind to one another. You don’t know what people are struggling with or the weight of the burdens that may be resting on their shoulders. Instead of judging each other based on outward appearances, can we just start loving each other instead and pray that the breakthrough for whatever addiction or stronghold you may be facing would be broken in Jesus’ mighty name!!  I don’t hate myself or my size. I hate the addiction and the lie I chose to believe that some how I’d feel better or even safer in a food coma. Your stronghold or addiction may look different than mine but my hope is that you too will uncover the lies that lead you to take an unhealthy action or turn to an unhealthy coping method and that we may find the freedom that Christ died for us to have. And I’ll close with this my sweet friends whether you are walking in victory or still in bondage you are still perfectly loved and preciously chosen by the ONLY one whose opinions about you truly matters and will graciously forgive our biggest most horrible sins... JESUS. Cry out to him for salvation and he will never leave you or mock, you even if the whole world does.

Our Sadie Girl’s Story

Our Sadie Girl’s Story
Raising a child with a life threatening disease, first of all my encouragement to you is to trust that God has a plan for your child that far exceeds the title of the disease at hand. I firmly believe that God has all of our days numbered and that no disease will have the pleasure of taking one day from anyone’s life, this has removed so much fear, knowing that before the world began, God preordained all of our days. See Psalm 139. No disease can have the pleasure of stealing your life’s call and purpose. I believe God wants us to make the most of the time we have been given and in fact each of us has a critical disease we are fighting, it’s called death for most, some of us just get an added name to it along the way, like cancer, or cystic fibrosis. For us the disease has not redefined who our daughter is or what she is able to become, it actually heightened our awareness of how fleeting this life can be and gave us the desire and passion to live each day to its fullest potential. We see a sad epidemic across the USA, families that are missing valuable time together that they will not get back just to further themselves or to achieve nicer things. Our daughters disease blessed us with the ability to see how precious each day truly is and what a gift life is, so many take this for granted and as a result squander precious time with their loved ones. They work tirelessly for material things to give their families a better life when in reality all they really want is you. Memories made together far exceeds any gift you could ever give your children. For us we seize the opportunity to spend time as a family and to teach our kids what is truly important. They have a strong sense that this world is not our home, we are only passing through, to a much better place that God has prepared for us, where death has lost its sting, this is the hope we have because of Jesus. We started a children’s ministry where we teach life changing biblical truth and then equip the kids to become world changers as we serve in our local communities and be the hands and feet of Christ to the lost and hurting world around us. Yes we could focus on the number of days we may have because of the disease but we’ve found that it’s much more effective to focus instead on the life that can fill those days, for everyone of us has a great purpose that only you can fulfill, don’t allow an uncertain future the power to steal a single day.