Goodbyes may seem forever, farewell is like the end, but in my hearts the memories and there you'll always be: love you Larry

Every once in a while, in life, you get news and you know life as you knew it will never again be the same. You experience a loss so deep you know nothing will ever fill that void. Today was one of those days as we found out one of the greatest men I've ever known is no longer with us. He has been a neighbor and friend for more than 16 years, even more than that he has been a constant PRESENCE in our lives, almost anyone on Dake Hill has known him and fallen in love with him. He had an infectious laugh and a smile that could light up any room. I can hear his, "Alrighty then, very good," or "There's the gang" echoing in my ears as this very surreal news hits me like a ton of bricks. How can something so heartbreaking happen on such a beautiful fall day? What a glorious and beautiful send off Larry had today. I wonder how many nights, for years to come, will I look to see if Larry is watching the sunset out in the front yard. Oh God, 16 years is not enough time to have loved this wonderful person. We wanted more time to enjoy him. How many times will we drive by and the kids will shout there's Larry's house, like they ALWAYS do... how long will that feel like a knife piercing my heart? I'm so mad at myself right now. It has been a few weeks since I had seen him, because I've been gone and so busy. Ray told me he had been sick and I kept thinking this week we'll stop by, it's a little slower and we have some extra time, little did we know, we didn't have the extra time to spare.  My heart is so full of amazing memories. How many walks did I pass by his house and hear his sweet voice, "Training for the olympics?" He had a heart of gold. Always lending a helping hand, always there to supervise any projects we had going on. I'm so sad he won't get to see our addition completed. He was there when we poured cement, he was there to plow the driveway, he was there when we needed tires, or whenever we needed him. Simply put HE WAS THERE. What a void Dake Hill will have in her now. We lovingly called him Papa Larry. He watched out for us and our neighbors. I'm quite certain the neighborhood watch program was mimicked after Larry personally. He was our neighborhood patrol. How often did he come over to warn me about a danger in the area. I'll never forget the time I was out mowing and he came over on his golf cart and yelled at me to get inside because there was a tornado warning. Or the time he spotted a rabid raccoon in the yard while he was driving by...the kids were out playing and Ray was at work and he came over and put it down to keep us safe. I always felt like he was a Guardian angel here on earth sent to watch over us and keep us safe. The void Ray is going to have is huge, as Larry really was like a second father to Ray. The countless times Larry drove over to circle around the house just to see if Ray was out and about. We just held each other and cried, and then laughed at the memories we shared. More time, is what we wished, but time was not in our favor. I pray for his amazing wife, Barb, what a team they made together. My heart broke tonight as I went to see her and Prince (their dog) came over with Larry's hat in his mouth and he sat at the table watching us. More tears surface, just when I think I can't cry anymore. Tonight I count my blessings and the years and memories I'll treasure in my heart until I hear his chuckle once again. RIP Larry you were one classy act, I hope you know how very much we loved you and thank God for the time we had you.

Do you see me?

Do you see me when you pass by? Do your eyes lock with mine? Or do you turn and look away afraid of what I might say? Do you shudder that your heart may feel? Or have your mind changed by what is real? Is it easier just to believe and convince yourself that things like this do not exist? Is it easier not to see the hurting and the lost?  Does your life matter more than mine? If not than open your eyes and do not be blind, allow your heart to feel their pain and ask God how may I make a change?

Never has my heart been so broken and yet so full as when I visited India

India: where do I begin? Never have I seen such poverty and spiritual oppression. Never have I seen so many temples and people worshipping false gods. Never have I seen such filth and people abandoned in the streets. Never have I seen such sickness and suffering. Never have I felt so helpless and guilty, knowing the comforts I would be going back home to. On the other hand never have I heard such worship or heart felt prayers, for those who are truly desperate are not afraid to cry out to the one true God. Never have I seen such overwhelming faith and belief despite of harsh circumstances. Never have I felt so much love and acceptance despite of cultural differences. Never have I seen so many people desperate for answers to their prayers and witnessed miracles and heard of instant healing. God is moving in this desperate nation. God is faithful to show up and hears the cries of his people. I was challenged this week in every aspect and so far beyond my comfort level. I asked myself questions like would you sit on this filthy soil to hear about Jesus, when in all honesty I didn't even want to set my bag on the ground. Would you run desperately to seek answers to your prayers like these woman did or will you remain reserved not wanting to bring attention to yourself? Would you be willing to touch the untouchables on the streets not knowing for sure if the diseases they carry are contagious? Would you be willing to lay down your life in hopes of someone coming to know Jesus? Would I be willing to speak openly about Christ knowing in this country they do not have the freedom to do so? I came back home with a greater appreciation for so many things we take for granted, the freedom to share Jesus openly with others, the safety and comforts of home. I fell while I was there and I would have rather have had a broken hand for 4 days than gone to the hospital there because of how filthy everything was. We have clean streets and areas for our children to play. We have parks and places for them to run.  We have clean air to breathe and water to drink. We have so much we take for granted, not to mention all of the materialistic stuff we possess. How differently we would shop if we truly knew at what cost things we purchase  were made: did it come from good working conditions or sweat shops and child forced labor? Would you still by it then? May I never forget the eyes my eyes locked with or  the faces of hopelessness I have seen.  May I teach my children to have hearts that run after desperate situations instead of running away. May we be fearless in the face of evil and know we serve a mighty God, one who is near to the broken-hearted and hears the cries of the poor and oppressed. We know the answer to hopelessness is Jesus and may we bold enough to speak his name and cry out to him in our times of need. Please continue to pray for India and the lost around the world. This week we had the opportunity to share the love of Jesus with thousands of women, children, and men. We had the privilege of handing out bibles, praying for desperate situations, asking for healing and deliverances, going to schools and performing skits and sharing the message of Jesus with them, visiting an orphanage and loving the girls that lived there, we trained young girls in anti-rape seminars, we prayed over the city and sanctuary for hearts to be changed and to trust in Jesus,  we had the privilege of watching how a different culture worships Jesus, and feeling like a minority as we were the only white people I seen while we were there (with the exception of two beautiful women one from Africa and the other an African American) Time after time we got to witness how God heard our cries and showed up to answer our prayers. We had the privilege of serving together and working as a team unified to share the love of Jesus even though some of us had never meet before: 14 in all one from North Carolina, one from South Carolina and one from Kenya Africa, and rest from all over New York. How I loved our devotional time at night, and Stephanie's heartfelt worship songs as we got together to share where we had seen God show up that day and then we would close in prayer for one another. This time in India has left my heart broken and full all at the same time. May God use this to impact the way I do life here in America and how I teach my children to live their lives here as well. God is so good and I'm so thankful he allowed me to see the hurting world around us. May this experience make me more like Jesus. Amen.

When God says "Wait"

When God says wait: Sitting In God’s waiting room

Psalm 40 verses 1-3 says:

I waited patiently on the Lord, he turned to me and he heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

I must confess waiting is not one of my strong suits, and yet Psalm 40 has meant so much to my life, I memorized the whole chapter. I have found God has placed me in periods of waiting on Him throughout my life… whether it be waiting for answers to my prayers, waiting to have a child, waiting for loved ones to know Jesus, or waiting to be released from strongholds in my life such as from fear, or depression. One thing I have learned from waiting in God’s waiting room is: He is faithful and he hears ours cries. God has used these periods of waiting to know him more intimately, so that my faith and trust in Jesus may be even deeper, and so that my need to spend time daily with Him in God’s word is even greater.  Today I’m going to share with you somethings God has taught me over and over again through these times of waiting and my prayer is that it will give you encouragement to not lose hope, or lose your joy, or peace during your times of waiting with God.

The First Point I want to share is this:

DON’T RESENT THE STRUGGLES IN LIFE BECAUSE THEY CAUSE US TO RELY ON JESUS’ STRENGTH TO PULL US THROUGH…THE MORE WE STRUGGLE THE MORE WE LEARN TO TRUST JESUS TO BE THE ANCHOR OF OUR SOUL.

 

 

Here are a few things I’ve learned while waiting in God’s waiting room:

1. A time of waiting can sometimes leave you in a pit or a stronghold. And I want to share with you today some ways to avoid the slimy pit of despair.

Let’s Reread Ps. 40: 1-2

I waited patiently on the Lord, he turned to me and he heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

I don’t want us to miss in verse one where it says: THE LORD HEARS OUR CRIES! When we are in a time of waiting the closer it is to our hearts the harder the enemy will try to make us think God is not listening to our prayers, or he might say to you “if God loved you, you would not still be waiting for an answer to that prayer” Listen those are LIES!! We have to learn to identify lies from truth and trust that God’s timing is always perfect.

Is. 55:8 says: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” Declares the Lord.

God’s wisdom is far greater than man’s, we have to guard our thoughts from the enemy’s attacks or we will find ourselves in a pit of despair consumed by feelings of hopelessness.

#2. The second thing I’ve learned during periods of waiting is: we must learn to use God’s word so we can determine lies from truth! Unless we read our bibles we will not know if the enemy is lying to us. 

Eph. 6:11 says: Put on the full armor of God so that you will be able to stand firm against the devil’s schemes

It is so important to arm yourself while you are waiting on God with the sword of the spirit which is the word of God. When we are waiting for our prayers to be answered we must remember God’s great love for us and that he has great plans for our lives.

Jer. 29:11 says: For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm, plans to give you hope and a future.

#3 The third thing I’ve learned to help us avoid falling into a pit while we wait is: we should work on memorizing scripture.

2 Corinthians 10:45 says The weapons we fight with are not weapons of the world. On the contrary they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and everything that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.

The type of weapons they are speaking of here is not a sword or a spear, but it is the word of God. When Jesus was being tempted by Satan in the wilderness, Jesus used the word of God to make the devil flee from him.

Another powerful weapon we can use to fight with is prayer. A great way to pray and use scripture is by reading a verse and praying afterwards.

He’s an example using Romans 8:28:

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Lord I know your word promises that you can work my child having an incurable disease out for our good, but this doesn’t feel good right now, in fact my heart is broken into a million pieces right now. Lord, I know you are close to the brokenhearted and that your words says for who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his or her life, and so I am laying this at your feet and asking you to be my comfort and my strength. I trust in the fact that your ways are higher than mine and that somehow you will be able to work this out for our good, because your words are true and alive and active. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Did you see how I used many scriptures I have written on my heart and worked them into my prayer? That is why memorizing scripture is so important. It allows us to know God’s truth and to apply it to our lives when our world is shattered and broken.

A great way to memorize scripture is to write it daily in a journal and then say it out loud 10 times and then try saying it 10 times with your eyes closed. Do this for several weeks until you have written it on your heart.  When choosing a scripture to memorize look up verses about what you are going through or ones that will help bring you encouragement and comfort. The Psalms a great place to look.

The second part I want to teach on today when we are sitting in God’s waiting room and are waiting patiently to hear God answer our prayers is this: TO REMEMBER WHAT GOD HAS BROUGHT YOU THROUGH!  This is essential in making the waiting process more bearable and avoiding that slimy pit of despair.

First of all it is essential to spend time in prayer!! Spend time praising God for ALL the trials in life that God has helped you overcome.

I might pray something like this: Thank-you Lord that your love is so strong and so deep that you can use even our biggest mistakes or our deepest pits of despair as a way to draw us closer to you and that you do not use our mistakes as a way to push us farther away from you God. I remember Lord when I was in a deep pit of depression and I felt like there was no hope, I felt like I was in too deep for your love to reach down and save me, but you proved to me that your love goes even deeper and that no one is beyond your reach and you healed my wounds and cleansed my soul. You used your word Lord to heal me and to fill me with your never-ending joy. Your word revealed to me that I was loved and valued by you. That you choose me, and that I was not a disappointment to you, but that I was loved so much by you that you sent Jesus to rescue me. How I praise you Lord. I am so thankful I was among the sick that you came to make well!! I praise you Lord and give you all of the honor you so rightly deserve… Amen.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to REMEMBER where you have been in your walk with God. A great way to remember all that God has helped you with is to keep a journal so that you can look back and remember when you said God is faithful…he is FAITHFUL!! It gives you a way to remember all of the seas God has parted before you and you got to walk on dry ground like Moses, all of the fires that tried to scorch you and you walked away not even smelling like smoke like Daniel, all of the storms he has calmed in your life that tried to consume you like Jesus did for the disciples on the sea of Galilee. He is Just as faithful and alive and active in your life this very day!! Remember all of the prayers that have been answered big ones and small. Because I promise you when you are in a time of waiting you will be tempted to forget God’s goodness and his faithfulness, just as God’s chosen people often forgot, but when you journal you will REMEMBER his goodness and can use that to fight off the feelings of hopelessness.  Another great thing to do when you journal is to keep a list of things you are THANKFUL for.

Ps 28:7 says The Lord is my strength and my shield my heart trusts in him and I am helped. Therefore my heart exults and with my song I shall thank Him.

Praise is another powerful weapon. It keeps your spirit focused on who is in control and who deserves our praises.

Let’s look back to Psalm 40: picking up with verses 3-5 it says:

He put a new song in my mouth a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud to those who turn aside to false gods. MANY OH LORD MY GOD ARE THE WONDERS YOU HAVE DONE FOR US. THE THINGS YOU HAVE PLANNED FOR US, NO ONE CAN RECOUNT TO YOU. WHERE I TO SPEAK AND TELL OF THEM; THEY WOULD BE TOO MANY TO DECLARE.

Did you hear that? The wonders God has done for us are MANY too many to recount. What a great reminder in times of hopelessness that God has done and has planned too many things for us to even be recounted!!

Let’s Recap before I cover our final destination in God’s Waiting Room:

 We are to guard our minds by:

*reading and memorizing God’s word

*we are to pray to God and give him thanks

*we are to REMEMBER he is faithful and recall all that God has walked you through and praise and worship him for his faithfulness

All of these pointers we’ve discussed will help you keep your soul at rest during the waiting process and also help you be prepared incase God’s answer to your prayers is no, or not right now. That can be a tough one to bear.

So how do we keep our faith strong when we have a broken heart?

WHEN LIFE IS HARD AND WE JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND I WILL TRUST IN GOD WHO KNOWS THE BEGINNING AND THE END.

Sometimes as much as we wanted our answer from God to be yes, sometimes when we are waiting on God the answer is no or not now. Our hearts are broken and our world seems to come undone… What do we do then?

PART OF HAVING FAITH IN God IS TRUSTING HIM WHEN YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND OR GETTING OUT OF THE BOAT EVEN WHEN YOU’RE AFRAID, SO YOU CAN FOLLOW AFTER HIM WITH ALL OF YOUR HEART.

When life doesn’t go the way we’ve planned or our waiting ends in a way that is disappointing we MUST STAND FIRM on our ROCK JESUS CHRIST, and know there is far more than this life can ever offer us. Our HOPE isn’t for a perfect life here on earth, but our HOPE needs to be anchored firmly in the eternal life Jesus provided the way for.

In John 16:33 Jesus says: I have told you these things, so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, for I have overcome the world.

When we face life’s most difficult moments we must believe what it says in Rev. 21:4

 “God will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

I take great comfort in knowing there will be a day to look forward to when all this will be fulfilled, and I understand until that day comes things cannot and will not always work out the way I had hoped. And the last verse I will close with will be the key to hold us together when our lives feel like they are coming undone…  

Nehemiah 8:10

…Do not be grieved or depressed for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Our strength and our Joy must come from God...

To look for strength in anything else outside of the Lord is foolish, God has to be our ultimate source of strength and joy. MAY THESE STEPS HELP GUARD your hearts, souls, minds, and give you the strength you need while you are waiting. May you find courage and strength in God to look beyond your circumstances into the hurting world around you and love and encourage others who may be waiting too. May you always remember God always hears our cries and he is close to the brokenhearted. Amen

Forever and Always

Today marks 15 years that Ray and I have been married. How I wish Lord, you would have been the center of our lives for the entire 18 years of our relationship... So many choices we would've made differently. So many of our troubles, would have probably been avoided. So many of our insecurities and trust issues would not have been present. However, as I reflect back on our marriage I see your grace and mercy written all over it, removing past regrets and filling our hearts with a love for each other, as imperfect as we may be. You've been filling us with a hope that we will love each other and until our last breath as husband and wife. May we be an example to our children as well as to others, that our marriage is nothing that Ray and I could ever have done in our own strength, but it was being equally yoked as believers in Christ that has given us a successful marriage. That it was because of the forgiveness we received from you that allowed us to freely forgive one another when we fell flat on our faces. That it was your ultimate example of love that has guided our path these last 18 years to be able to choose to love each other over and over again. May we be forever mindful to lay down our own selfish ambitions and to take up our crosses daily and always follow after you, the savior of our souls. Yes 15 years ago I married the man who has always believed the best in me and encourages me to strive for that. He has also loved me even through some of my worst moments, and through complete brokenness. He has watched Christ redeem my life and remove my guilt, shame, and depression, and watched as He transformed what only God could do in my life. To say I married my best friend does not even begin to describe Ray and I and the past 18 years total together. Ray has been an amazing father, provider, and true companion. He's supported me at my best and loved me at my worst. We've walked through fires, been scorched, burned, and refined by each other. But through it all we refused to give up on each other. Real relationships take a lot of work, they take God at the center to fill our hearts with love and grace and forgiveness toward one another. Relationships are not always pretty and are far from being perfect. Sometimes God brings out the worst in one another so he can refine us to being out the best in one another. We hold Christ at the center of our marriage, He is the glue that holds us together in a world that chooses often to give up on love rather than work things out. Happy Anniversary Ray, I love you forever and for always.

An Unfailing Relatioship

Have you ever had a relationship whether it be with a friend or family member, where you felt like you made all the effort to keep it going? I have. It's exhausting, to feel as though you are trying to keep the relationship alive, while the other part does virtually nothing, or with minimal effort to show you they even care. The key to a successful relationship is it takes two parties willing to put forth effort to have a relationship stand the test of time. Relationships take a lot of work and effort, they can't be one sided or the person trying eventually wears out. Not because they don't care, but rather because humans eventually get depleted and exhausted. I am thankful I have one relationship that will never be depleted or tire from trying to reach deep within me, no matter how far I stray God is always there for me. He's always a prayer away, he's always waiting patiently for my return. He's always rejoicing at the sound of repentance from a heart that's turned back to him. Wherever you are, no matter how far you may have strayed... Know this, God loves you deeper than any man or woman ever could. He's the only one that has the ability to redeem and restore.  To bring beauty from the ashes.

A Glimpse of Heaven

Did you ever met someone in life that was just incredibly easy to love? Someone who not  necessarily does things perfectly but just really knows how to live life well under life's difficult circumstances. They serve without complaining and smile without judging. They have hearts that would give you the shoes off their feet. They have hearts of compassion that shatter and pierce hearts of stone. They have the determination to see the good in every circumstance life throws at them and a zeal for the Lord that cannot be shaken. They refuse to allow the enemy to have one ounce of their joy. They just know how to live life well. I call these type of people angels on earth. While I know they are not truly angels in the physical sense... being around them, however, gives me the slightest taste of what heaven must be like.  Every once in awhile God places such a gift from heaven in my life, to give me the slightest glimpse of what Jesus was like. They leave a taste of heaven in my mouth and make me long to be that type of encourager to someone else. You may feel that you don't reflect Jesus very well but take heart my sisters and brothers in Christ...God is not finished with you yet. For God looks at your heart and because when you surrender your life to Jesus, Jesus covered your sins so God sees the reflection of his son in your heart... and little by little he is making you reflect the image of Jesus so that when others look at you they can get a glimpse of Jesus too.

What are you afraid of?

Last week at the Just Joy bible study I’ve been attending called, The Time Is Now, Carol was teaching from the book of Mark about miracles that Jesus had performed. One of the amazing insights she had shared with us that night, and some words of wisdom that really hit home was this: She said Never Allow the Presence of a Storm to cause you to Doubt the Presence of YOUR GOD!  Only God knows how big of a storm I’ve been in, and a few close friends who have walked with me through this INTENSE battle.

            Next, Carol had each of us write down on a piece of paper a miracle you needed from God, and I wanted to share with you what mine was, in hope that my transparency will help others find freedom, that only CHRIST himself can give to us. When Carol asked us to write down a miracle, I immediately thought of my Sadie girl, who has cystic fibrosis. Any parent that has a child with a chronic illness would probably not hesitate at the thought of a miracle for their child, but this was not what God spoke to my heart that I needed. He said ever so softly to my heart, “You need to be set free from FEAR.” I thought, but God we’ve already dealt with that issue, remember (like God had forgotten), I wrote a blog a few weeks ago about being SET FREE from FEAR?  And God said, “Yes, you have tasted freedom, but now I want you to see why you needed freedom, so that you don’t fall into that pit again!”  God has been showing me that I have been in a Stronghold of fear for quite some time. In fact my earliest memory was fear and insecurity. Each time I think I have this stronghold under my belt, God pulls back another layer in my heart, that I had fear tucked away in.  The one FEAR that has held me most captive, ALMOST to the point of being completely paralyzed, is the fear of one of my children dying, this fear was present long before I had a child with a chronic illness. There is nothing, besides my relationship with Jesus Christ and my husband that I value more in my life more than my children, and Satan knows the one way he can attack me, is through the FEAR of something bad happening to one of my children.  You can be in a pit and not even realize it, until you are so stuck and you can’t move anymore, and that is what fear had done in my life. I didn’t even realize how deeply affected my life was by fear until I started having panic attacks a couple of years ago. I didn’t even know what a panic attack was until I went to the ER one night because I had woke up having one! When they ran tests and nothing showed up and said to me it sounds like you were having a panic attack, I thought how absurd… I didn’t go to bed upset or worried, I didn’t wake up from a nightmare, and yet there I was having one.  I started to look at my life and asked God to reveal the root cause, and to heal this brokenness within me.

Carol said during bible study: When you are in a storm, to remember your last miracle, and praise God for when you had last tasted and seen that the Lord is good. To allow the last miracle to taste sweeter than your present storm. For 7 years now, I had been trying to play God, to be in control, and to be a good protector over Sadie’s health as well as my other children.  A scripture that God had really used to minister to me when we first had Sadie was in Matthew Chapter 6 verse 27 that says: For who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Another verse God had used to prepare our hearts  even before Sadie was diagnosed with CF, at 3 months old,  was Psalm 139:16 that says: Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.  Psalm 139: 13-14 says: For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. These verses reminded me God is in control of all of our days and no disease or evil thing Satan throws our way can thwart the plans God has for HIS CHILDREN! He knows the beginning and the end of our lives and all the days in between before one even came to pass. Another truth I can trust in, is God does not make mistakes, science looks at Sadie and sees a gene mutation BUT God look at her and says I have good plans for her, she is just the way I created her to be and will fulfill all that I have planned for her.  I remember when Sadie was diagnosed with CF, Ray and I were surrounded by a TEAM of doctors and nurses waiting for us to fall apart and yet we had COMPLETE PEACE and proclaimed what God had prepared our hearts for, that no disease could steal from the plans God already had for her life, for we knew HE was the author of her life.  Sadie was a miracle from God given to us as an answer to our prayers, we chose the name Sadie Grace, which means: princess gift from God, even before she was born, even before we knew she was a girl! After trying for 7 years to get pregnant, God heard our cries and blessed us with this precious bundle from heaven.  He heard our cries and taught this strong willed mama a lesson that I desperately needed to know, HE was in control of ALL things but most importantly, HE was in control of the giving and taking of life.  I needed to learn this before I had Sadie, that God was in control of the days of her life, not me, or Ray, or the doctors… only God.

So how did fear creep in? Ever so silently, through small seeds of doubt, and through the lies of our enemy.  Remember Satan is a deceiver and a father of lies. He started by attacking my calling, to serve God through ministry and outreaches, I pulled back from children’s ministry when Sadie was an infant, to help protect her from germs she might be exposed to, because people often send children who have colds to church not giving it a second thought.  About 3 years later at a CF education night, we learned that CF patients were not supposed to be within 6 feet of each other because CF patients can carry bacteria that is only transferable between other CF patients and once you get it, it will deteriorate lung function. Fear set in, because one of the only places Sadie would be in contact with another patient was at the clinic, where they require us to take her every 3 months for a check-up, even though she has been healthier than our other children.  I often explain my fear to people like this: It’s like taking your unvaccinated child, who is healthy into a scarlet fever clinic, just to check and make sure they are still healthy, and knowing they will be in contact and potentially exposing them to contracting scarlet fever.  The doctors are not sure how the bacteria spreads so the best recommendation is for CF patients not to interact at all.  How lonely of a disease that is, it reminds me of the woman who bleed for 12 years and was a social outcast.  Most people that have an illness have the comfort of joining with others to share their stories… cancer patients, multiple sclerosis, families with loved ones suffering with Alzheimer’s, and many others have support groups for people to relate to and with, to encourage one another, but to live a life of isolation separated from others who share in your same infirmity is a hard thing to wrap your mind around or prepare someone for.  The other thing I had a hard  time with these last 7 years is protecting Sadie’s mind from things spoken over her at the doctor’s. Things like she’s not where she needs to be on the growth chart, you will see kids do better in the long run if they are here on the chart, kids are living well into their 20’s and 30’s now, has she been coughing because this type of bacteria often produces a cough and on and on it goes. I finally told them to stop talking about such things in front of her because she’s not a statistic on their charts and I don’t want her to ever feel like she’s not measuring up, to let Sadie be Sadie and not be defined by statistics.  This fearful mindsets took my mind off God, who is Lord over everything, and protector over His children. (Eph. 4:6 and Ps. 91:2) 

Carol said during bible study: Never allow the presence of a storm to allow you to doubt the PRESENCE of YOUR GOD! My fears distracted me from the truths God had written on my heart about who he is and put me into a position that ONLY God could fulfill in the lives of my children, only HE can be their protector and savior.  Only Jesus can keep my children safe and work all things together for their good.  I needed to proclaim the truth again, that we sing every week at Just Joy… He’s a good, good Father, and I’m loved by him.  I needed to cry out, “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.” God can take all of my weaknesses, all of my burdens, all of my fears and use them to set others free.  Yes, I would love Sadie to be miraculously healed, and I believe God is fully able to do so, but I also know that no disease can thwart the plans God has for her! The underlying issue in my life is not Sadie’s diagnosis but it is fear, if I allow God to free my mind with his truth, then he can truly heal me and set me free.  I have to understand that “my’ children are not really mine, He’s only letting me borrow them and by sheltering them during the cold and flu season or at any other time in their lives, I am putting a higher emphasis on their physical bodies instead of their spiritual well-being, and what will last longer?  All of our bodies are going to give out eventually, and I don’t want my kids to live their lives in fear, I want them to live boldly for Christ, and to accomplish all that he has instore for their lives.  I need to do what Carol instructed us and pray out loud and to declare the word of God, because prayer builds up our faith!

Thank-you Jesus, for allowing me to walk through this valley of fear, so that I could identify it and break the generational curse for future generations to come, for you show your love for a thousand generations of those who love you and keep your commandments. (Deut. 5:9-10) Help our family not to be afraid,  but to serve you courageously and boldly, for you are with us wherever we go. (Joshua 1:9) I pray Lord that I am completely set free from the bondage of fear, and teach me to be bold, so that I can teach my children to be warriors for you. I am declaring that, “I’m no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God.” I pray that others who wrestle with fear will find true freedom that Christ freely offers to us. Amen

Jesus Sets You Free

Sometimes I wrestle with the fact that so many do not get my relationship with Christ. To some I am too over-the-top, too devoted, or some even might say too much of a hypocrite. (ouch) They don't see Jesus the way that I do. They don't get my love, my devotion my faith, and my trust in the only one that would easily do the same thing in their lives. If only they could have eyes that could see, and ears that could hear, Jesus calling after them. I felt like God gave me this insight yesterday all I could say was amen, yes that is exactly it... Until you know how much your sin has cost, you will never understand my love for Jesus.  I have been set free. I know how guilty I was. I know where I would be at if he had not intervened in my life. I know the only one who could save my wretched life and put my feet upon the only rock that could give me stability. I know what it is like to be washed clean  and set free from all the filth that tried to consume the beautiful person I was created to be. When you have been radically saved you are bound to have a radical faith. Some people may not get my overwhelming faith and that's okay. Many  will follow the wide path that leads to death and destruction, I am so thankful to have found the narrow path that leads to life. Life made new because of Jesus.

How to surrender our fear, worry, and doubt... Having faith in the midst of the fire

Truth be told I found myself recently in a pit of fear, worry and a hopeless feeling. I was feeling overwhelmed by life's burdens and trying to be what only Jesus can be, trying to do what only Jesus can do. A song that really spoke to my heart during all of this was Casting Crown's song Just Be Held that says..."Hold it all together everybody needs you strong. When life hits you out of nowhere and barely leaves you holding on. When you are tried of fighting, chained by your control there is freedom in surrender so lay it down and let it go... Just be held" I was struggling with trying to be in control in life's uncontrollable circumstances. I was caught up in a struggle that when asked how I was doing I'd put on a fake smile and say, "I'm good. How are you?" I did this until the burden got too heavy to carry on my own. God and I wrestled over what I had been trying to do in my own strength and showed me I needed to surrender this and trust that he is in control of all things... From the smallest of things to things so great I couldn't even begin to wrap my head around them. I loved this quote from my devotional this morning: Worry is interest paid on trouble before it comes due. ~ William Ralph Inge.  Do not worry about anything but pray and ask God for everything you need always giving thanks. Philippians 4:6
I know I'm not the only one that tends to worry about the things in life I can not control or change. (including people) I often feel as though I care too much and as a result I worry a lot about these types of things. I am finding I need to worry less and pray more. Telling God what troubles my heart and trusting that his answers to my troubles are far greater than any of the possible scenarios I may come up with in my own. I need to trust that God is able to use these painful circumstances in the lives of my loved ones for an even greater purpose than just the here and now, one that has eternal value not just a present, temporary, feel good comfort level. The thing about worry is it doesn't change what is happening, it is an exhausting wasted effort. On the other hand prayer takes our concerns directly to the only one that has the power to work all things for our good, for those who love God and have been called according to his purpose. Prayer releases our minds from the burdens we feel and allows us to turn things over to God and trust that his plans for us are good and to rest in knowing that he cares for us and he cares for our loved ones as well. When we pray it is also equally important to give God thanks and acknowledge all that God has done for us. Thanksgiving literally dilutes fear and has the power of putting our focus back into perspective. I love in the movie War Room when Miss Clara shows her wall of remembrance... For when hard times come we can remember that our God is faithful, trust worthy, and good. That is so important when dealing with fear and worry... To reflect back on all that God has done and to praise him for it. Start a wall of remembrance in your home or in a prayer journal as a way to reflect back on God's goodness and faithfulness in your life. Pay attention  to who you are listening to when dealing with life's hardships, are you listening to God and claiming his promises or are you caught up in the "what if" game?  Are you praising or are you complaining? Guard your mind and arm yourself with the word of God and the enemy shall flee. I also know God never lets us go through a trail without a greater purpose in mind. He expects us to use what we have learned to help others find freedom. My hope in writing this is that it will help others caught up in the worries of life to find strength and true peace that only God himself can give. I can't explain in words the weight that was lifted off of me and how grateful I am that I have a savior that hears my cries and meets me right where I am at. His name is Jesus, and I encourage you to cry out to him if you don't have a personal relationship with him. There is not a person or substance on this earth that can ever fulfill in your life what only Christ can fill. I am so grateful to be called his.

I wonder if Less is More? A fresh look at a new year

One of my goals this year is to truly "Love" who I am. To be kind in my thoughts, words, and actions and to be loving towards myself. To make sure I am living life on purpose to further the kingdom of God and to sow into our children the type of seed that will produce mature responsible adults. Now that may sound silly to some, but I truly believe we live in a time where we are constantly trying to keep up with the trends which often lead us to believe if we don't have the new and improved iPhone 10,000  or the new PlayStation 20xl, then we can't be happy or if you don't look a certain way something is wrong with us. We live in the time where older people can't embrace and love their wrinkles that they respectfully earned and deserve the right to wear.  We are constantly looking for the tightening cream that will dramatically decrease our wrinkles in the next two weeks. Why is it wrong to get older, isn't that a privilege denied to many? Why do celebrities go to such extremes to make their foreheads no longer move? We start young kids off by taking them to routinely get their nails done or a pedicure, now I like those things as well but I also know how crazy expensive it can be, and yet I see so many young ones there I think how can they afford this?? When I was their age I was working 3 jobs saving money for a car and house? (Yes I'm that old I can tell those type of stories) I know times have changed, parents do more for their kids then ever before, but I can't help and wonder... Do the kids then end up with less? Do they not learn the value of a dollar and a hard day's work? Are they going to think everything in life will come so easily? I see at the store people putting necessities back in order to get their wants fulfilled, as a young mom said, "What don't we need this week because I have to get my new phone." When did cell phones and cable replace the importance of food? When did our "I can't live withouts" become new clothes, shoes, hair, nails, cell phones, and game systems...Instead of food, shelter, heat, and transportation? I'm not saying this from a judgmental point but from a concerned parental point of view. One in which I do some self evaluation as well and take stock and inventory to make sure I'm raising healthy kids that are able to see what hard work is and NOT expect things in life to be handed to them. One in which I have to ask myself, "Am I doing this all wrong?" "Maybe sometimes less is more?" "What changes do we need to make in order to grow healthy young adults?" So as we move forward into the new year my heart's desire is to teach myself as well as my kids the value of each and everyday, the value of hard work and responsibility, that their thoughts are so very important, to speak words of kindness, and finally to look beyond our own needs to see how God might use us to help others.

Dreaming of a thousand more moments with you

I read this quote tonight:  A thousand moments I had taken for granted, mostly because I assumed there would be a thousand more...and it really hit me hard. I thought about how often we take for granted the ones that mean the most to us, never knowing when our last time spent with them will be. Life can be so very unpredictable at times, we always think tragedies will strike someone else, never close to home, and then they do. I honesty don't know what's worse... watching a loved one slowly fade away to a life debilitating disease, where you'd have some time to prepare yourself, do what's important, and get to say goodbye? On the same side of that coin you slowly see who they once were slowly fade away, and watch as they suffer and pray for God to take your precious loved one because you can't bare to see them suffer anymore. Or is it worse to suddenly lose them and not have the chance to say goodbye or savor the last moments you had with them? Then there is the regret that attaches itself to "if only I had known, I would have..." And the heartbreak that follows from the thousand moments that you thought you'd have together are no longer in the near future. No matter  "how" you lost your precious loved one... I want to reassure you, if you ever doubt for a moment or regret your last goodbye or final moments spent with them... That your loved one knows how much you loved them. I fully believe they understand how much you loved them far better then they ever did while they were alive. Don't allow regret to steal the years of love that was shared, or the joyous memories made...and don't allow death to steal your future hope of eternal life with them, Christ is our hope, he came to save us. Don't let Satan convince you that death put a period where Christ has put a comma. When Christ said it is finished on the cross, he meant death was defeated for all who trust in him. Losing someone we love no matter the circumstances is never easy. The cost of love is the desire to spend an eternity together, God planted this desire in everyone's heart because this life was never meant to satisfy, we were designed to crave eternity with God... the ones we get to love while we are here on earth are an added bonus. So surround yourself with those who love you, dream of those thousands of moments to come in eternity, spent with no more sickness no more tears because there will be a day when this life is but a distant memory. What a glorious day that shall be. I love this quote: One day the paper will read that I have died... Don't believe that for a moment for on that day I will be more alive than I have ever been!" Until that day cling to Christ and those you cherish.